Thursday, January 15, 2009

Or You Could Just Use Mascara

Because we don't have enough dumbass shit to worry about, now there's a pill that will give you longer, thicker darker eyelashes. We've already tanned ourselves into leathery skin and melanoma, and whitened our teeth so they're brighter than the sun. What else can we feel bad about?

I'm not even sure what to say about this. It's rendered me almost speechless. I told geology byotch about it, and then sat there with my mouth hanging open and my eyes open wider than I thought possible. Lucky for me, I hadn't bothered to remove my eye make-up the night before. Otherwise I would have felt agonizingly inadequate. We stared at each other, both of us eyeing up the relative loveliness of the other's lashes. Except not really. There was, however, a lot of head shaking going on.

There is one use for this pill that doesn't make my head feel like it's going to explode:
The FDA panel also recommended further studies to assess Latisse's use in certain groups of patients, such as young patients and people who lost their eyelashes because of chemotherapy, according to an Allergan news release.
Because losing the hair on your head is bad enough. At the same time, cripes, people on chemotherapy have plenty of poison going into their bodies already. Do they need more?

I love this:
Side effects, which were generally temporary and mild, included eye redness, which stopped when the use of the drug was discontinued, according to Allergan documents submitted to the FDA.
You have lovely long lashes, but what's up with your eyes, honey?

I imagine this will appeal mainly to women like The Real Housewives of Orange County, and its various incarnations. Too much money to spend, and too much time on their hands. I wonder how this pill will mix with a martini or seven.

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